So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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