oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Boobs speak an international language.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
