like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
