the condom got lost in my hair
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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