i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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