His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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