there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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