yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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