I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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