I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
