Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
