my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need a burrito and a hug.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
