Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
