Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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