Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the condom got lost in my hair
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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