Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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