it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
