I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
