Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
