Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
