I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
