he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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