That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
