Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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