I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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