Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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