Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
