Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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