He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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