Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
