Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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