im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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