Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
