True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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