were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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