i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
