I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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