The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
