He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
