i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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