Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
