you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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