i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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