he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
