When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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