haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
