Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
