I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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