Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
