I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
